Thoughts
Thought I would share a few things with all of you.
I FEEL AWESOME. I have probably never felt so good in my life- a great feelings of excitement and contentment all wrapped up together. Here is why-
I think that I am finally pushing through my Quarterlife Crisis. Andy loaned me a book with this title after I told him what my life was like, and it really has helped me to understand that EVERYONE my age goes through what I have been going through the past 2 years. It didn't convince me that I was going through a crisis, it just showed me that what I was already going through was normal, and how to make myself feel better about it. Here's basically a long story short:
All through elementary school I was in anticipation of junior high. In junior high it was anticipation of high school. In high school it was anticipation of college. In college it was anticipation of the "real world." So, when I graduated I was left of this feeling of "what next?" And when I got a job and the anxiety of NOT getting a job passed, what was I supposed to feel? Content? Satisfied? Fulfilled? I didn't feel any of these things. Iwas a teacher in a small Texas town. Nothing amazing- not, in the least, what I felt I was capable of. I felt, I guess, passified...for the moment at least. Now I am just realizing that I rushed in to my teaching job because I was scared. But now that I have read this book at least I know that it was NORMAL that I felt scared when I graduated. I felt like such a loser because I was scared and didn't know what to do after college. I felt weak and pathetic. But now I understand that it is normal. Now I feel better about my decision to teach. It always felt like the easy way out, a cop out. But now it feels like it was just a step in my life, a step to get where I wanted to be later. Part of "the plan", I guess you could say.
Secondly, I am only now, at almost 25, getting to know myself- my real opinions and why I have them and what really makes me "tick." Just in the past 6 months, I think that I have learned more about myself than I have in 4 years of college. I have finally slowed down enough to concentrate on me (I know you all might think that ALL I have thought about my whole life is myself, but that is just not true). Now, I have this serious thirst to figure out who I am and learn more about EVERYTHING- the world, politics, other people, etc. After the constant anticipation for the next thing ends and you are left with just yourself and the rest of your life- you start to think I guess. And I've been spending 2 years doing that. Going through a crisis. It's like this- in high school you are DEFINED by your accomplishments, grades, popularity, and your "plan" for what to do with your life. The first thing people ask you is- "Where are you going to go to college?" or "what are you going to major in?" In college you are DEFINED by your major. That is the first thing people ask you- "What is your major?" It's very easy to define yourself at that time- your major is what you are interested in, and your interests make who you are. So your major must be who you are, right? Not for me it wasn't. And MAJORS say NOTHING about most of the people I know. Andy was a history major, but that doesn't define him. Amy majored in something that I can never remember, and that definetely doesn't define Amy or her interests (if I can't even REMEMBER what the major was, it definetely must not define who she is). Anyway, moving on: Then, when you graduate from college, you are DEFINED by your job. That is the first thing people ask- "What do you do?" But the truth is- what we DO doesn't usually DEFINE US. Does Kohl's define Andy? Does Acme Foundry define dad? Does being a secretary define mom? NO is the answer in all cases. So, now that I have a job, I am finally getting the chance to just SLOW DOWN and find out what I like and what I want to do with my life. And I am slowly learning that I have THE REST OF MY LIFE to do things. I can change jobs every 2 years if I want to. What an interesting resume' I would build :) For now I am teacher. I take pride in what I have done, and I have enjoyed some aspects of it. But it certainly doesn't define Lindsay Oyler. The other day, a guy I went to high school found out I was engaged and e-mailed me with "Lindsay Oyler....I thought you were supposed to become some famous lesbian folk singer. I never thought you would settle down." It made me laugh to think that 10 years ago I probably thought I would be just that (well, without the lesbian part).
As it stands- I am realizing that my life is pretty good. I have a great man who treats me like a queen. We have a dog that is hilarious; and we are a little family. Sometimes we just lie in bed and think about how great we have it all there together. I know it sounds corny, but it is true. We really like our little life that we have built together. I have just spent 2 years in a career where I learned a lot. It wasn't all good, but it was rewarding in some ways, and I learned a lot about myself and my strengths and limitations. I am healthy for the most part, and my self-esteem is slowly getting better. Still a struggle, but I will get there. Perhaps the most exciting thing is- I am about to embark on a great adventure in Chicago. Who knows what will happen. That's the wonderful thing- I can't tell you where I will be in 1 year. For some people that is a nightmare, but to me it feels wonderful. Cameron and I start classes at iO in August, and who knows what will happen? We could be chosen for an improv team at iO within months, or could get another break in another way. We will be meeting so many talented and influential people and having so much fun along the way. Or you know what? NOTHING may happen for us. I may decide to go back to grad school. I may go in Chicago. I may go ahead and get my PhD. Who knows? In the next 3-4 years I will be getting married and starting a family. I know that. What I do with my professional life may always be an adventure. I like to do a lot of things- I like working with kids, I like teaching, I like acting, I like improv, I like singing. The world is my oyster as far as I am concerned. Money is not a worry at this point for us. That is wonderful. We have plenty of money saved up for this move. Enough to where we don't have to worry if there is an emergency or problem in the next few months. When Cam's car is sold within the next 2 weeks- I will have ZERO DEBT. THAT is a great feeling. I am getting married next summer to a great man, and that is a great feeling. And all of my friends and family being involved is making it even better. Life is overall great I would say.
And you might think that there is one piece of the puzzle missing- my job. But actually, that is THE BEST THING about my life right now. I don't know what the hell I am going to do for a job come September. But the great thing is that I have until September to figure it out, and I have plenty of prospects. I have a great resume' with 2 years teaching on it, 4 years of mental health training on it, and 6 years working in theatres onstage and offstage in comedy, drama, and improv. I WILL get a job, and it WILL be fine no matter what. Worst case scenario- Our friend Amy is a personal shopper at Nordstroms here in Dallas, and she let Cam and I know that if we need a job at Nordstrom's in Chicago we have one. Some of their salespeople make 6 figures (usually in SHOES which I am VERY excited about). Not a bad back-up plan...but either way it doesn't matter. I have made great connections with the Parents as Teachers people, and one has let me know that she will have some open positions that she will consider me for in August. She has seen my resume and thinks that I would be a great candidate for PAT. All in all, things look great. I have applied in several areas and submitted my resume to several people, and I have already made great steps- AND I'M NOT EVEN THERE YET! Think of what I can do when I am actually in Chicago in the flesh! Either way- it doesn't matter. In order to do what I want to do with my life, I am willing to make the sacrafices. And I love to make people laugh and perform. If it take a few months working a shitty job that I don't love...it can't be any worse than the past 2 years teaching that I have spent in a small, Southern, narrow-minded sports-crazed town. Life is what you make of it I guess. I know this sort of unplanned existence probably sounds like most of your worst nightmares- but to be honest- it's my dream come true. Being an architect- now THAT sounds like my worse nightmare. Isn't it funny how life works and how different we all are?
About 6 months ago I started noticing that nearly every day I was telling Cameron- "You know what I realized today? I think that (Insert opinion or adage here)". I kept forming these opinions about God, politics, society, myself, etc. and letting him know what they were and discussing and debating them with him. It's like, for the first time, I started forming opinions based on knowledge I had gained, research I had done, experiences I had had, and soul-searching RATHER than forming opinions based on what I learned as a kid or what my parents told me (sorry parents) or what people told me to believe. It felt great. And I was feeling all of these things when I read in the book (Crisis) that people my age generally will find something new out about themselves every day. I was happy to read that, because I thought I was going crazy. I seriously thought I was losing it.
I am starting to feel like for the first time that my career is really secondary to the rest of my life- it's like, when you look back at your life what is really is going to matter are THE RELATIONSHIPS YOU HAVE MADE. (I know, Andy, money matters. Don't worry- I haven't forgot about money and it's importance). If I found out tomorrow that I was going to die in 1 year, what would be most important to me? Friends and family. Whether they were past or present friends, healthy family relationships or tense family relationships, I WOULD RENEW THEM ALL AND MAKE THEM GREAT. I mean, really, who gives a shit about all of the other stuff? How much cool shit you have or what you can bring back to show your friends at your high school reunions or what you drive or what you can brag about- THAT STUFF won't mean ANYTHING.
Particularly in regard to this family, I think there are a lot of burned bridges and a lot of resentments built up over such a long time that should be mended. I mean- just because things have been a certain way ever since we can remember DOESN'T MEAN THEY CAN'T BE FIXED OR IMPROVED. That is crazy. Am I right? Just because we have never expressed our feelings or been very affectionate doesn't mean we can't start. You know? Andy and I are the two closest people in this family and I'm sure that we are known as the 2 biggest assholes. We may be "assholes", but we are the only 2 in THE ENTIRE FAMILY that call each other regularly, visit each other regularly, make decisions as to where we will live based on where the other is living, hug each other, drink an entire bottle of wine and chat for hours, hug each other regularly, and tell each other that we love each other. Pretty strange coming from 2 "assholes" huh? What has happened, in my opinion, to Andy and I both, is that we have reached really strange points in our life- I have realized what is important to me and what makes me happy, and Andy has done the same. He's REALLY gone soft since Marley came into the world. You guys wouldn't believe it. He's really lost his edge. :) Either way, I encourage everyone in this family to let the old stuff go and realize that we are all so much alike. Talk about the old stuff- get it all out on the table. Ask Mom- I write her 5 page long letters telling her how much she's screwed me up. But you know what? Even though those letters may make her feel bad for a couple of days, the ARE MUCH BETTER than me never saying anything at all. Fighting is healthy. Confrontation is healthy. What is UNHEALTHY is bottling everything up. This NON-COMMUNICATION skill that I have learned has ruined a lot of good relationships. And I regret that now. I wish that I had learned to communicate earlier- I wish I had realized that fighting is better than retreating in silence just to "not cause waves." It's much healthier. Actually, now that I think about it, let me add Amy into the mix of healthy relationships. Amy and I are probably as close as Andy and I. We e-mail, we talk, we call each other, we visit each other. She is just my in-law, and look how much we care about each other. Look at this family: we all say "Her butthole is so tight you couldn't drive a flax seed through it with a sledge hammer"; we all know the harmony to "Seven Bridges Road"; and we all know that Chuck Berry is the REAL King of Rock 'n' Roll. We are a family like no other. Why don't we appreciate each other a little more? Why aren't we there for each other? Why don't we want to visit each other? What is the problem? I think the problem is that we have all settled into this place where it is just easier to ignore each other and the problems and keep things the way that they are. But the truth is- at some point this family is going to go through a tough time and we are going to need one another. And no one is going to feel close except for me, Andy, Amy, Marley, and Cameron. We all want to live near one another and be a part of one another's lives. But we are only 5 people out of, like 15? Are we up to 15 counting Greg's little ones? (PS Cam and I LOVE to play with those kids. Have you noticed that when we come home we spend more time outside with Katie, Slater, Britney, Shay, and Slater than we do with the adults? Things are much less complicated inside with the adults). 5 out of 15 in this family. Is that the way that you all want things to be? it's not the way that I want things to be at all.
You know what I am most worried about? Katie. I have been e-mailing her back and forth and text messaging back and forth with her. But when I talk to her on the phone she won't say a word. She has learned the Oyler way- DO NOT SHOW AFFECTION OR EMOTION UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. I can't get a word out of her. Even when I asked her to be a part of my wedding she had nothing to say. It was awkward to me at first, but when I realized that she had learned it from us I understood a little better. WE taught her to not talk to us....by not taking the effort to talk to her and get to know her. Although sometimes I feel like a jerk for trying to start having a relationship with her when she is 13, I just try to reassure myself that IT DOESN'T MATTER when I started the relationship- it just matters that I started it at all. She is about to go through her toughest years, the years when girls make some decisions that affect them for life. And I am afraid because she is going through it without a dad and without her aunts and uncles around her. And mom and dad do a great job- but they are tired, and since I am being honest- are not very easy to be honest with at times. I am afraid that Katie is going to feel like she has no one to talk to, but even worse, she is not going to KNOW HOW TO TALK TO ANYONE anyway. So it wouldn't matter. It's a strange cycle. But I really am determined to break it because I care about her. So that was my Katie speech. Truth be told- I teach high school. I know what happens to girls with low self-esteem- they sleep with guys to get try and get self-esteem. And it doesn't matter if you are pretty, ugly, smart, dumb, mature, or immature: self-esteem is craved by everyone. I am scared for her because I teach girls that remind me of her ALL DAY LONG. I don't want to pretend like I know everything- but I do know about what is like to be a teenage girl with self-esteem issues.
All in all- I just began wanting to tell you how wonderful my life is. I didn't mean to get into all of the family stuff. Also- just to reassure you- I am not drunk or stoned. I'm not even on any medication. Just feeling open and honest I suppose. Didn't mean to get all philosophical or sentimental on you all- but I guess maybe this family could use some of that.
So....I guess that's it. I know I said a lot of personal things in this blog. I will delete it and delete it from the archives so that no one can read it after you all see it. A couple of days I guess. I don't want EVERYONE knowing how screwed up I am.
Lins
I FEEL AWESOME. I have probably never felt so good in my life- a great feelings of excitement and contentment all wrapped up together. Here is why-
I think that I am finally pushing through my Quarterlife Crisis. Andy loaned me a book with this title after I told him what my life was like, and it really has helped me to understand that EVERYONE my age goes through what I have been going through the past 2 years. It didn't convince me that I was going through a crisis, it just showed me that what I was already going through was normal, and how to make myself feel better about it. Here's basically a long story short:
All through elementary school I was in anticipation of junior high. In junior high it was anticipation of high school. In high school it was anticipation of college. In college it was anticipation of the "real world." So, when I graduated I was left of this feeling of "what next?" And when I got a job and the anxiety of NOT getting a job passed, what was I supposed to feel? Content? Satisfied? Fulfilled? I didn't feel any of these things. Iwas a teacher in a small Texas town. Nothing amazing- not, in the least, what I felt I was capable of. I felt, I guess, passified...for the moment at least. Now I am just realizing that I rushed in to my teaching job because I was scared. But now that I have read this book at least I know that it was NORMAL that I felt scared when I graduated. I felt like such a loser because I was scared and didn't know what to do after college. I felt weak and pathetic. But now I understand that it is normal. Now I feel better about my decision to teach. It always felt like the easy way out, a cop out. But now it feels like it was just a step in my life, a step to get where I wanted to be later. Part of "the plan", I guess you could say.
Secondly, I am only now, at almost 25, getting to know myself- my real opinions and why I have them and what really makes me "tick." Just in the past 6 months, I think that I have learned more about myself than I have in 4 years of college. I have finally slowed down enough to concentrate on me (I know you all might think that ALL I have thought about my whole life is myself, but that is just not true). Now, I have this serious thirst to figure out who I am and learn more about EVERYTHING- the world, politics, other people, etc. After the constant anticipation for the next thing ends and you are left with just yourself and the rest of your life- you start to think I guess. And I've been spending 2 years doing that. Going through a crisis. It's like this- in high school you are DEFINED by your accomplishments, grades, popularity, and your "plan" for what to do with your life. The first thing people ask you is- "Where are you going to go to college?" or "what are you going to major in?" In college you are DEFINED by your major. That is the first thing people ask you- "What is your major?" It's very easy to define yourself at that time- your major is what you are interested in, and your interests make who you are. So your major must be who you are, right? Not for me it wasn't. And MAJORS say NOTHING about most of the people I know. Andy was a history major, but that doesn't define him. Amy majored in something that I can never remember, and that definetely doesn't define Amy or her interests (if I can't even REMEMBER what the major was, it definetely must not define who she is). Anyway, moving on: Then, when you graduate from college, you are DEFINED by your job. That is the first thing people ask- "What do you do?" But the truth is- what we DO doesn't usually DEFINE US. Does Kohl's define Andy? Does Acme Foundry define dad? Does being a secretary define mom? NO is the answer in all cases. So, now that I have a job, I am finally getting the chance to just SLOW DOWN and find out what I like and what I want to do with my life. And I am slowly learning that I have THE REST OF MY LIFE to do things. I can change jobs every 2 years if I want to. What an interesting resume' I would build :) For now I am teacher. I take pride in what I have done, and I have enjoyed some aspects of it. But it certainly doesn't define Lindsay Oyler. The other day, a guy I went to high school found out I was engaged and e-mailed me with "Lindsay Oyler....I thought you were supposed to become some famous lesbian folk singer. I never thought you would settle down." It made me laugh to think that 10 years ago I probably thought I would be just that (well, without the lesbian part).
As it stands- I am realizing that my life is pretty good. I have a great man who treats me like a queen. We have a dog that is hilarious; and we are a little family. Sometimes we just lie in bed and think about how great we have it all there together. I know it sounds corny, but it is true. We really like our little life that we have built together. I have just spent 2 years in a career where I learned a lot. It wasn't all good, but it was rewarding in some ways, and I learned a lot about myself and my strengths and limitations. I am healthy for the most part, and my self-esteem is slowly getting better. Still a struggle, but I will get there. Perhaps the most exciting thing is- I am about to embark on a great adventure in Chicago. Who knows what will happen. That's the wonderful thing- I can't tell you where I will be in 1 year. For some people that is a nightmare, but to me it feels wonderful. Cameron and I start classes at iO in August, and who knows what will happen? We could be chosen for an improv team at iO within months, or could get another break in another way. We will be meeting so many talented and influential people and having so much fun along the way. Or you know what? NOTHING may happen for us. I may decide to go back to grad school. I may go in Chicago. I may go ahead and get my PhD. Who knows? In the next 3-4 years I will be getting married and starting a family. I know that. What I do with my professional life may always be an adventure. I like to do a lot of things- I like working with kids, I like teaching, I like acting, I like improv, I like singing. The world is my oyster as far as I am concerned. Money is not a worry at this point for us. That is wonderful. We have plenty of money saved up for this move. Enough to where we don't have to worry if there is an emergency or problem in the next few months. When Cam's car is sold within the next 2 weeks- I will have ZERO DEBT. THAT is a great feeling. I am getting married next summer to a great man, and that is a great feeling. And all of my friends and family being involved is making it even better. Life is overall great I would say.
And you might think that there is one piece of the puzzle missing- my job. But actually, that is THE BEST THING about my life right now. I don't know what the hell I am going to do for a job come September. But the great thing is that I have until September to figure it out, and I have plenty of prospects. I have a great resume' with 2 years teaching on it, 4 years of mental health training on it, and 6 years working in theatres onstage and offstage in comedy, drama, and improv. I WILL get a job, and it WILL be fine no matter what. Worst case scenario- Our friend Amy is a personal shopper at Nordstroms here in Dallas, and she let Cam and I know that if we need a job at Nordstrom's in Chicago we have one. Some of their salespeople make 6 figures (usually in SHOES which I am VERY excited about). Not a bad back-up plan...but either way it doesn't matter. I have made great connections with the Parents as Teachers people, and one has let me know that she will have some open positions that she will consider me for in August. She has seen my resume and thinks that I would be a great candidate for PAT. All in all, things look great. I have applied in several areas and submitted my resume to several people, and I have already made great steps- AND I'M NOT EVEN THERE YET! Think of what I can do when I am actually in Chicago in the flesh! Either way- it doesn't matter. In order to do what I want to do with my life, I am willing to make the sacrafices. And I love to make people laugh and perform. If it take a few months working a shitty job that I don't love...it can't be any worse than the past 2 years teaching that I have spent in a small, Southern, narrow-minded sports-crazed town. Life is what you make of it I guess. I know this sort of unplanned existence probably sounds like most of your worst nightmares- but to be honest- it's my dream come true. Being an architect- now THAT sounds like my worse nightmare. Isn't it funny how life works and how different we all are?
About 6 months ago I started noticing that nearly every day I was telling Cameron- "You know what I realized today? I think that (Insert opinion or adage here)". I kept forming these opinions about God, politics, society, myself, etc. and letting him know what they were and discussing and debating them with him. It's like, for the first time, I started forming opinions based on knowledge I had gained, research I had done, experiences I had had, and soul-searching RATHER than forming opinions based on what I learned as a kid or what my parents told me (sorry parents) or what people told me to believe. It felt great. And I was feeling all of these things when I read in the book (Crisis) that people my age generally will find something new out about themselves every day. I was happy to read that, because I thought I was going crazy. I seriously thought I was losing it.
I am starting to feel like for the first time that my career is really secondary to the rest of my life- it's like, when you look back at your life what is really is going to matter are THE RELATIONSHIPS YOU HAVE MADE. (I know, Andy, money matters. Don't worry- I haven't forgot about money and it's importance). If I found out tomorrow that I was going to die in 1 year, what would be most important to me? Friends and family. Whether they were past or present friends, healthy family relationships or tense family relationships, I WOULD RENEW THEM ALL AND MAKE THEM GREAT. I mean, really, who gives a shit about all of the other stuff? How much cool shit you have or what you can bring back to show your friends at your high school reunions or what you drive or what you can brag about- THAT STUFF won't mean ANYTHING.
Particularly in regard to this family, I think there are a lot of burned bridges and a lot of resentments built up over such a long time that should be mended. I mean- just because things have been a certain way ever since we can remember DOESN'T MEAN THEY CAN'T BE FIXED OR IMPROVED. That is crazy. Am I right? Just because we have never expressed our feelings or been very affectionate doesn't mean we can't start. You know? Andy and I are the two closest people in this family and I'm sure that we are known as the 2 biggest assholes. We may be "assholes", but we are the only 2 in THE ENTIRE FAMILY that call each other regularly, visit each other regularly, make decisions as to where we will live based on where the other is living, hug each other, drink an entire bottle of wine and chat for hours, hug each other regularly, and tell each other that we love each other. Pretty strange coming from 2 "assholes" huh? What has happened, in my opinion, to Andy and I both, is that we have reached really strange points in our life- I have realized what is important to me and what makes me happy, and Andy has done the same. He's REALLY gone soft since Marley came into the world. You guys wouldn't believe it. He's really lost his edge. :) Either way, I encourage everyone in this family to let the old stuff go and realize that we are all so much alike. Talk about the old stuff- get it all out on the table. Ask Mom- I write her 5 page long letters telling her how much she's screwed me up. But you know what? Even though those letters may make her feel bad for a couple of days, the ARE MUCH BETTER than me never saying anything at all. Fighting is healthy. Confrontation is healthy. What is UNHEALTHY is bottling everything up. This NON-COMMUNICATION skill that I have learned has ruined a lot of good relationships. And I regret that now. I wish that I had learned to communicate earlier- I wish I had realized that fighting is better than retreating in silence just to "not cause waves." It's much healthier. Actually, now that I think about it, let me add Amy into the mix of healthy relationships. Amy and I are probably as close as Andy and I. We e-mail, we talk, we call each other, we visit each other. She is just my in-law, and look how much we care about each other. Look at this family: we all say "Her butthole is so tight you couldn't drive a flax seed through it with a sledge hammer"; we all know the harmony to "Seven Bridges Road"; and we all know that Chuck Berry is the REAL King of Rock 'n' Roll. We are a family like no other. Why don't we appreciate each other a little more? Why aren't we there for each other? Why don't we want to visit each other? What is the problem? I think the problem is that we have all settled into this place where it is just easier to ignore each other and the problems and keep things the way that they are. But the truth is- at some point this family is going to go through a tough time and we are going to need one another. And no one is going to feel close except for me, Andy, Amy, Marley, and Cameron. We all want to live near one another and be a part of one another's lives. But we are only 5 people out of, like 15? Are we up to 15 counting Greg's little ones? (PS Cam and I LOVE to play with those kids. Have you noticed that when we come home we spend more time outside with Katie, Slater, Britney, Shay, and Slater than we do with the adults? Things are much less complicated inside with the adults). 5 out of 15 in this family. Is that the way that you all want things to be? it's not the way that I want things to be at all.
You know what I am most worried about? Katie. I have been e-mailing her back and forth and text messaging back and forth with her. But when I talk to her on the phone she won't say a word. She has learned the Oyler way- DO NOT SHOW AFFECTION OR EMOTION UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. I can't get a word out of her. Even when I asked her to be a part of my wedding she had nothing to say. It was awkward to me at first, but when I realized that she had learned it from us I understood a little better. WE taught her to not talk to us....by not taking the effort to talk to her and get to know her. Although sometimes I feel like a jerk for trying to start having a relationship with her when she is 13, I just try to reassure myself that IT DOESN'T MATTER when I started the relationship- it just matters that I started it at all. She is about to go through her toughest years, the years when girls make some decisions that affect them for life. And I am afraid because she is going through it without a dad and without her aunts and uncles around her. And mom and dad do a great job- but they are tired, and since I am being honest- are not very easy to be honest with at times. I am afraid that Katie is going to feel like she has no one to talk to, but even worse, she is not going to KNOW HOW TO TALK TO ANYONE anyway. So it wouldn't matter. It's a strange cycle. But I really am determined to break it because I care about her. So that was my Katie speech. Truth be told- I teach high school. I know what happens to girls with low self-esteem- they sleep with guys to get try and get self-esteem. And it doesn't matter if you are pretty, ugly, smart, dumb, mature, or immature: self-esteem is craved by everyone. I am scared for her because I teach girls that remind me of her ALL DAY LONG. I don't want to pretend like I know everything- but I do know about what is like to be a teenage girl with self-esteem issues.
All in all- I just began wanting to tell you how wonderful my life is. I didn't mean to get into all of the family stuff. Also- just to reassure you- I am not drunk or stoned. I'm not even on any medication. Just feeling open and honest I suppose. Didn't mean to get all philosophical or sentimental on you all- but I guess maybe this family could use some of that.
So....I guess that's it. I know I said a lot of personal things in this blog. I will delete it and delete it from the archives so that no one can read it after you all see it. A couple of days I guess. I don't want EVERYONE knowing how screwed up I am.
Lins
posted by Mrs. G @ 7:08 PM
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